A lot has been on my mind lately mostly my spiritual life... well the lack there of. Confession time.
Church.
For me lately, I've been going because other people expect me to be there, not because I want to go. I've been going to make people happy. So I took a job specifically on Sunday mornings during church because I didn't have a church that I liked going to. Since I moved here, I haven't found a church that I've enjoyed going to. I tolerated my old one because my parents liked it, and it wasn't big. And I've tried others, but I never really gave them a chance because I didn't want to go. And to be honest, I can't tell you the last time that I went to church on a Wednesday night, until tonight.
God's been working in my life a lot lately. He took friends out of my life that were pulling me away from him, and he put new ones in that are pulling me back to him. Now, I just have to let myself be pulled back to him. I miss what it felt like after I first became a Christian. I wish I could feel like that all the time. I hate that I'm not completely on fire for God anymore. It's not that I'm a completely different person. I still do things that you would expect Christians to do, but I don't do them because I'm a Christian, I do them because I enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that I did something nice for someone else.
The last few days have really opened my eyes again. I've been hanging out with people that are Christians and go to church on a regular basis. And though they may not know it, they really are making a difference in my spiritual life. I've finally come to the realization that I need to make some changes. These changes will be made at my own pace, and when I decide for them to happen, but things are going to be different.
Another thing I realized is why God didn't let my summer plans work out. I wasn't ready to do what I thought I was ready to do. I thought I was ready to do this specific job, but God knew I wasn't. He knew that I had some issues to work out before I started dealing with other people's. I realize that now. And honestly, I'm glad it happened. I'm glad that he didn't let things follow my plan, because who knows where I would end up.
Needless to say, I'm going to need prayers. I can't do this on my own. But I know that this will be for the better. It's time to be the person I'm meant to be and to stop being a pew warmer. Or not even going at all. Now is when things are going to be different. Let's see how this works out.
I feel as if there are a few songs that are perfect for this blog. So here we go.
The Motions - Matthew West
I'm Letting Go - Francesca Battistelli
Give me your eyes - Brandon Heath
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