This is the Stuff...

It's been a little over a month since I blogged last... I guess that means nothing is on my mind and nothing is going on. lol

All in all my summer has been pretty chill. I've been working all day, then I'll go work out, then go home skype someone and go to bed.

Recently I've been meeting with my Co-director for Wishing Well so we can plan some of the things we are going to do this year. And might I say, it's going to be pretty amazing. Well, at least I hope it's going to be. We have some pretty awesome plans and I'm super pumped to see what happens this year.

But, it's all in God's hands.

I honestly can't wait for school to start. I haven't felt like this since I was in elementary school. lol I move back into the dorms on August 17th. Which is only 21 days away. Then classes start in 32 days. I honestly can't wait.

There are going to be so many things going on this year. I'll have classes, Rush, Wishing Well, boyfriend, friends, and so many other things. I'm so excited to see how fantastic this year is. But I definitely miss all of my friends, and I'm really happy that I'm going to lunch with some of them today :)

Anyways this is my life at the moment. Boring but exciting at the same time.
Song of the Day - This is the Stuff - Francessca Battestilli

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today

Six years ago on Sunday, I decided to give my life to Christ on Father's Day. As cliche as it is, I thought it was a great Father's Day present to him. Since then, a lot of trials and obstacles have come into my life. Some of which have pulled me away from him, others have brought me closer.

At the moment, I'm still on my way back. Moving was one of the biggest obstacles I've had to overcome. When we first moved here, we couldn't find a church that we all could agree on. I wanted a close youth group just like my old one. I wanted an amazing youth minister, just like my old one. And that was the problem. I wasn't open to change. I wanted things to be as close to my old church as possible, which was never going to happen.

So I decided that I just wouldn't go to church, and unfortunately that continued for a long time. I would go to church, but I wouldn't care that I was there. It was just something I did, it wasn't something I wanted to do.

But things are changing, and God is definitely moving in my life.

Yesterday Jessica Hatcher passed away. She was a girl that went to my high school. I never knew her until I saw her in the parking lot one day, and I couldn't figure out why she was bald. Finally the pieces came together and I realized she was the cancer victim that our school was raising money for. By the end of my senior, her junior year, she beat the cancer and things were going great. When I went back to my school to visit this past year thought, the cancer had come back. And unfortunately it took her life last night.

There wasn't a time that I saw her that she didn't have a smile on her face. She's an excellent example of how God wants us to act. No matter what obstacles are thrown in our path, we should be happy because we have God. He's the one we can always rely on, when everyone else bails on us.

She truly will be missed here, but we all know that she is in a better place and she isn't suffering anymore.

She has opened my eyes to realize how limited our time is here on earth, so why should we waste our time worrying about who's dating who, and what the next big thing is? We should be focusing on what is important, like all the people out there that don't know a thing about Christ. "Go therefore into all the nations baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." The verb in that is GO. Jesus told us to GO and tell the whole world about him. So why are we sitting on our lazy butts and not showing Jesus' love to others.

We should be helping those in our communities that are less fortunate. We should be helping those in other countries that can't even feed their own families. We should be helping. Not basking in all our worldly goods.

Okay I'll step off my soapbox now. But really, what are we doing?


Song of the Day: Give me Your Eyes - Brandon Heath

Breathe.

This summer so far has been pretty laid back. Compared to last summer, it sucks, but I still have faith that it will get better. Basically I'm just working my butt off this summer to save my money because I'm very bad at that.

I'm working on campus, babysitting, working at a church, and taking any other opportunities that come up. On top of that I'm trying to make time for my friends and boyfriend so that I can actually enjoy my summer as well.

So far, it's working out. I wish I could just sleep until whenever, go to the lake everyday, and enjoy my summer, but I'm afraid I'm out in the real world now.

On a happier note, I've actually started going to church again, and I really enjoy it. I didn't realize how much I missed it. I was bummed that I didn't get an internship for the summer, but I think God was trying to tell me that I wasn't ready for that yet. I needed to figure out where I was with my relationship with him before I tried to start guiding a bunch of confused teenage kids.

But I'm excited to see what's going to happen next summer.

Some more good news, I got my ear pierced :)

So this may have been a very pointless blog, but it's the best I could do with my boring life ;)
Song of the day: Breath - Anna Nalick

The past few days

I've had a rough last couple of days. I ran into my ex-best friend at Wal-mart the other day, and I couldn't get the guts to even go into the store because we haven't talked since like August. If you don't know me very well, I can't handle it when people don't like me, or if we have a problem. I like to fix things. So needless to say this has bothered me ever since then. I thought I was over it, until I saw her.

I called my friend and made her come to Wal-mart with me just so I wouldn't have to go alone. Not gonna lie, we handled the situation pretty immaturely, but it was the only way I was going to make it through without completely breaking down.

Yesterday I met her mom to get some of my stuff that I've been trying to get for awhile, but we've both been so busy it hasn't been possible. All day my stomach was in knots because I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I knew I was going to cry. There was no avoiding that. So adding to the stress she was late getting there because she had to find my stuff, so that only made the knots and butterflies and everything else going on in my stomach even worse. When she finally got there she just had a huge smile on her face and said she was so happy to see me.

We started talking about my first year of college, what we've both been up to and so on. Then we started talking about what happened between her daughter and I. She doesn't understand it, and I still don't. She asked me if I'd prayed about it. I said I'd tried but that just wasn't the answer I wanted. She said that she's the same way. She doesn't like to wait for an answer she just wants to fix everything herself. At this point we kept going on about some minor details about what could have happened and of course I lost it. I felt as if I lost my other mom in all of this mess.

She had done so much for me last year. She made my prom dress, bought stuff for me, took me to the lake, let me vent to her, gave me advice, and let me stay at her house all the time. I honestly thought she was going to hate me when we met. But it's the polar opposite. She said she thinks about me often and that I'm still like a daughter to her.

Last night I went to church with my little freshman and we had a praise night. It was just what I needed. I haven't had that in so long it's crazy. Then she and I talked after and it really helped a lot. She said she understands how I feel and she wants to know what happened just as much as I do.

I'm sorry this is such a depressing post. Just thought I'd let you know what's happened the last few days. I've been kinda quiet lately cause I'm trying to figure things out.

I guess we'll see what happens.

Song of the day:
Mighty to Save - Hillsong

Change.

So I'm apologizing in advance for how random this blog may be. I'm not quite sure what may end up in here, so bear with me.

A lot has been on my mind lately mostly my spiritual life... well the lack there of. Confession time.

Church.

For me lately, I've been going because other people expect me to be there, not because I want to go. I've been going to make people happy. So I took a job specifically on Sunday mornings during church because I didn't have a church that I liked going to. Since I moved here, I haven't found a church that I've enjoyed going to. I tolerated my old one because my parents liked it, and it wasn't big. And I've tried others, but I never really gave them a chance because I didn't want to go. And to be honest, I can't tell you the last time that I went to church on a Wednesday night, until tonight.

God's been working in my life a lot lately. He took friends out of my life that were pulling me away from him, and he put new ones in that are pulling me back to him. Now, I just have to let myself be pulled back to him. I miss what it felt like after I first became a Christian. I wish I could feel like that all the time. I hate that I'm not completely on fire for God anymore. It's not that I'm a completely different person. I still do things that you would expect Christians to do, but I don't do them because I'm a Christian, I do them because I enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that I did something nice for someone else.

The last few days have really opened my eyes again. I've been hanging out with people that are Christians and go to church on a regular basis. And though they may not know it, they really are making a difference in my spiritual life. I've finally come to the realization that I need to make some changes. These changes will be made at my own pace, and when I decide for them to happen, but things are going to be different.

Another thing I realized is why God didn't let my summer plans work out. I wasn't ready to do what I thought I was ready to do. I thought I was ready to do this specific job, but God knew I wasn't. He knew that I had some issues to work out before I started dealing with other people's. I realize that now. And honestly, I'm glad it happened. I'm glad that he didn't let things follow my plan, because who knows where I would end up.

Needless to say, I'm going to need prayers. I can't do this on my own. But I know that this will be for the better. It's time to be the person I'm meant to be and to stop being a pew warmer. Or not even going at all. Now is when things are going to be different. Let's see how this works out.

I feel as if there are a few songs that are perfect for this blog. So here we go.
The Motions - Matthew West
I'm Letting Go - Francesca Battistelli
Give me your eyes - Brandon Heath

Acts of Kindness.

It's official. I passed all my classes with a 3.6 yet again. :) I love the relief I felt when I finally saw my grades. It's amazing how something can affect your life so dramatically.

So this summer is going alright so far. I caught myself asking a friend the other day when she was going to come visit. Then she brought reality back into my life and told me that we've only been moved out of the dorms for a week, so she wouldn't be back for a while. You mean it has only been a week since I moved out?! I feel like it's been so much longer than that. It seems like it should be half way through my summer already, but it's not. It's only the second week.

Work is going well. Being here 8-5 isn't quite as bad as I thought it was going to be. I really enjoy spending time with my co-workers (Good thing I don't hate them right?). We make things fun ;) Last Friday we had Take Flight for our first group of incoming freshmen. My job was to take all their ID pictures, so I got to see every single one of them, and they're looking like a pretty good group of kids.

For us, the day was so stressful. We had to take each ID picture, have each of them sign two forms, give them a case for their laptop, give them their laptop, give them an adapter, then make sure they could sign in to everything on their laptop. Needless to say that was crazy. But the best part of the day was seeing the excitement on all of their faces when they finally got that laptop. But then there were a few that didn't select their laptop early so they didn't get their laptop that day, and it was kinda sad to see the look on their faces.

The point is, it doesn't take much to make someone's day. For them, it was giving them a laptop. For me, it was seeing their faces when they got the laptop. Giving laptops away seems kinda pricy to make someone happy right? Well for OC it's normal.

So challenge of the day. Go make someone's day by smiling at a stranger, or giving someone a hug, or saying something nice to someone. I promise it doesn't take much.

The generous person will be prosperous, and he who waters will himself be watered. - Proverbs 11:25

Song of the Day: Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

Bittersweet

Well, it's official. I'm done with my first year of college. I can't believe it. It seems like yesterday I was just starting high school then moving to Edmond, and now I'm already in college and 1/4 of the way done. (Maybe more).

As I look around the dorm it kinda puts a damper on my day because I see all the bare doors where people's decorations used to be. Through the open doors I see people packing up all their stuff and saying goodbye. It's bittersweet. It's amazing to know that we've survived our first year of college, but it stinks to know that we won't all be together in the fall.

My roommate and I are checking out tomorrow afternoon. I took a shower this morning and was thinking to myself how bittersweet it was that it may be my last shower to take in the dorms. I'm not going to miss wearing flip flops to the shower, or cleaning someone else's hair off the wall, but besides those minor setbacks, the showers are half-way decent.

I think the main thing I'm going to miss is having all my friends within walking distance of me. My best friends live in the same hall, and all I have to do is walk to their room and we have a good time. This summer it isn't going to be like that. Most of my friends will be hours away, and I'll be here.

I'm anxious to see how my summer turns out. I'm working full-time on campus, so it's going to stink coming to work everyday, and not seeing all my friends. It'll be weird for me to be on campus and nobody else to be here too. But it'll make the fall well worth the wait.

So many relationships have started this year, and a few have ended, but I know it's for the better. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me the next few years, cause I definitely don't know.

Finals have gone well. I'm pretty sure I passed all my classes. Okay, I know I passed all of them, I just don't know if I passed them as well as I wanted to yet. We'll see. I still can't believe how fast this year went, and I'm hoping the next few won't go quite as fast.

So many things to think about this summer... Studying abroad, Rush, Spring Sing, Social Life, and all kinds of random junk.

It's gonna be a good summer. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Yay for making a lot of money right? Gotta save up for Vienna. :)

Well I guess that's all I have for now. Sorry for all the random thoughts :)

Song of the Day: I Feel Pretty/ Unpretty - Glee

We're roommates and best friends.

This pretty much defines our life.